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Tuesday, January 28, 2003
We’re hot and you’re pretty. Wanna blog?
After a night of Chinese food and Karaoke surrounded by big burly college boys and size-zero college girls, Lisa and I stepped out into the cold night air to watch the fight that was progressing in the parking lot. The fight consisted of maybe 16 to 20 of these thick-necked ‘men’ pushing and shoving each other while grunting and yelling profanities in a drunken slurred language, only they could understand.
While the bouncers and restaurant establishment tried to get the crowd to disperse, my cell phone rang and I was distracted for a number of minutes talking to a wrong number who described himself as 'a 23-year old mulatto with a masters degree in communications from UVM that drove a coke truck'. Noting that the scuffle was broken up, and people were getting into cabs, Lisa and I headed over to warm up my car while I finished speaking to my new cell phone buddy.
As I was trying to end my conversation, while letting Lisa listen in on speaker phone, two of the burly guys stood in front of my car in the headlights to shake their behinds at us. So I did the only natural thing (well, not the only natural thing) and flashed my high beams at them. (No really, the car's high beams). It’s not that we didn’t appreciate the gesture (or the view) to pay more attention, but we were too busy laughing at our phone conversation to invest more interest in them as they seem to have wanted, because a minute later they came knocking on Lisa’s window. They asked if were UNH students and where we were heading. The point was, they were drunk off their asses, and their ride had left and they needed a ride back to campus. They were polite enough so I said sure. I realize now I should have asked Lisa if it was ok with her, but it’s not every day you get two good looking guys knocking on your door for a ride. Besides, if it was me and I needed a ride home late at night in below freezing weather, I hope that I would also be able to rely on the kindness of strangers. I looked at it as an adventure.
After introductions, (our hitchhikers were Carl and Joe) Lisa asked them about the fight, and if they knew what had happened. As it turned out, Joe was one of the ‘fighters’, and it started on the dance floor when someone elbowed him. “All I wanted was to go out and have a good time and dance!” he told us. He didn’t need that “bull****”
Well, ok then. I mentioned the fact that all we could hear was a bunch of grunting and swearing while we were watching. Carl explained to us “When you go to UNH and you lift weights, when you see those guys, you don’t need to use words. Just make a noise and you’ll be understood.”
(Okay....)
Carl and Joe spent the next few minutes talking about the fight while Lisa and I sat back and listened. I’m not sure what was said to lead up to Carl saying this, it might have had something to do with how they ‘won the fight’, but in a nut-shell he said: “You know when you’re in the forest and you come across a bear?”
(Sure, Carl, that happens all the time)
“Well, you don’t just lie down and play dead. You puff your self up real big, like this So that’s all we had to do, was puff up real big.”
(Uh huh.)
Well, we got the boys back to UNH, and Joe got out of the car thanking us for the ride. We turned around to say good-bye to Carl who shook our hands and thanked us again. Then he studied us for a second and said, “You have a pretty face. You know, we’re hot, and you girls are pretty. Want to go inside and have sex?”
Lisa and I looked at each other to make sure that we heard that right, politely declined and took off.
“‘Book Club’” “‘Let's Read?’”
~Conversation Hearts
Melissa Tuesday, January 28, 2003
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